Niagara Falls Jokes

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Sam Hoyt responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer’s firm, and was ushered into his office.

“Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer asked.

“Well, if those are my choices, I guess I’ll take the bad news first.”

“Your wife found a picture worth $50,000.”

“That’s the bad news?” Sam was stunned? “If you call that bad, I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

“The terrible news is that it’s of you and and a co-worker, and that’s what your wife had to pay to get the picture.”

***

One day coming home early from work, an Albany man saw Sam Hoyt jogging naked. He asked Hoyt, “Hey buddy… why are you doing that for?” Hoyt replied, “Because you came home early.”

***

During sex, Sam Hoyt’s wife always wants him to talk to her. Just the other night he called her from a hotel.

***

The night before, it was from the restroom at the bus station.

***

We know that because Sam left the stall door open.

***

Sam Hoyt was visiting Niagara Falls, and he made it known to Mayor Dyster that he expected some action while he was here. So the Mayor told Seth Piccirillo to set Hoyt up on, shall we say, a blind date with a local single woman. He took her to a local restaurant.

It was quite a coincidence, but it so happened that Mayor Dyster was at the same restaurant, and when the woman saw Dyster on the other side of the dining room, she said, “Look, there’s the Mayor sitting over there. Do you know him?”

Sam saw his chance. He replied, “Sure, he’s a friend of mine. We’re like brothers!” She didn’t believe him. So Sam said, “Wait here, sweetheart,” and went over to Dyster’s table.

“What do you want, Horndog?” asked the mayor. That was his nickname for Hoyt, who told him that he was trying to impress this woman and would he do Hoyt a very big favor and come over and just say hello. Dyster said, “For you, Horndog, I’ll do it.”

Five minutes later, Mayor Dyster strolled over and said, “Sam, how the hell are you?”

And Sam Hoyt looked up and replied, “Not now, Dyster. Can’t you see I’m trying to get laid?”

***

For Sam Hoyt’s birthday, his wife takes him out to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Sam! How ya doin?” Hoyt’s wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Sam. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Sam if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Sam and starts to rub herself all over him and says, “Hi Sam. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” Hoyt’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Hoyt follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her, desperately trying to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, “Geez Sam, you picked up a real crazy one this time.”

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