Niagara Falls Jokes

Staff · October 27, 2017

Every time Councilman Andy Touma has a beer at the neighborhood bar with his buddies, he gets approached at some point during the evening by the same man.

Touma loves it when this guy walks up to him out of the blue, in front of his buddies, because he always loudly informs the councilman “You’re doing a great job, Mr. Touma! I voted for you last time, and I’m going to vote to re-elect you!” so that the whole bar can hear.

As part of a little experiment to amuse his friends, Touma always offers the guy a choice of a twenty dollar bill in one hand, or a ten in the other, and the guy always takes the ten and then leaves the bar.

“People who live here are some of the dumbest around,” laughs Touma, sharing the private joke with his friends, “And every week I prove it to you.”

Somebody once asked the guy why he always took the ten dollar bill from Touma instead of the twenty, to which he replied, “Because the day I take the twenty, the game is over!”

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The latest City Hall contract offers city employees free breast enhancement surgery, but with the budget problems, we think city government seriously needs to get its prior titties straight.

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The Niagara Falls Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

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City Administrator Nick Melson walks into a convenience store, and he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it and the woman at the counter says, “Let me guess, you’re single?” And he says, “Yeah, how could you tell?” And she says, “Because you’re really god damn ugly.”

***

Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Anthony Weiner and Sam Hoyt walk into a bar.

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