Niagara Falls Jokes

The driver on the Discover Niagara shuttle announced that he was going to tell a joke at the expense of Niagara Falls. A woman in the back of the shuttle said, “No, don’t do that. I live here.” The driver looked up at her in the mirror and said, “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll explain it to you afterwards.”


Then she got off the Discover Niagara shuttle at the next stop, and he had to save his joke for the next day, when somebody got on again.



A Niagara Falls man was drinking at a Lewiston bar all afternoon, so he decided that he would take the Discover Niagara shuttle home… Luckily, it was still where he had parked it.


A Niagara Falls resident called the Amtrak office at the new $43 million Niagara Falls International Railway Station and Intermodal Transportation Center, and asked, “How long would it take for a train to get him from Niagara Falls to Albany?” “Just a minute,” said the Amtrak representative. “Ok, thank you,” said the caller, and hung up.


Mayor Dyster and Seth Piccirillo were on a small boat on the Niagara River when their engine failed. While rummaging through the boat’s hold for life jackets, Piccirillo stumbles across an old lamp. Hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of both men, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter Dyster blurts out, “Make the entire river into beer!” The genie clapped his hands, and immediately the entire river and falls turns into the finest home brew ever quaffed by mortal man.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. The rapidly accelerating current of the rapids of beer broke against the boat’s hull as the men considered their circumstances.

Piccirillo looked disgustedly at the Mayor, whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he yells, “Nice going! Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat!”


A Niagara Falls man was pulled over for speeding, and as the cop approached his car, he noticed three hand guns on the seat right next to him.

“Sir,” said the cop, “Can I ask why you have those firearms in the car? ”

“Well officer,” he replied, “it’s quite simple, I’m a juggler in a circus and this is my equipment!” The cop, clearly not believing him, insisted that he step out of the car and juggle the the three guns so he can see if his story was indeed true. Which the man proceeded to do.

Just then Mayor Dyster and his wife happened to drive by and Dyster turned to her and said, “Becky, am I glad I finally gave up drinking home brew!  Can you believe the sobriety test we’re giving now?!”

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