Niagara Falls Jokes

by
July 14, 2017

A Lewiston resident and a Niagara Falls resident were discussing their housing situations.

The Lewiston resident said, “Only 14 more days, and my contractor said I can move in!”

The Niagara Falls resident said, “Only 14 more public housing forms to fill out, and my social worker said I can move in!”

***

This recent question was presented in a poll:  “What do you think is the biggest problem in Niagara Falls? Uncertainty or indifference?” Over 90 per cent answered, “I don’t know and I don’t care!”

***

A group of tourists was out for an evening of dinner, drinks and nightclubbing on the Third Street tourist strip.

***

Jesus made an unexpected mid-morning appearance at a Niagara Falls bar. There were three patrons sipping shots and beer. One said to the Lord, “If it’s true you can work miracles, can you please cure my injured knee?” and Jesus effected the healing.

The second asked Jesus, “Can you please cure my terrible backache?” and it was done.

The third man, who happened to be a city worker, looked at Jesus and said, “Stay right away from me, my disability isn’t close to running out yet.”

***

A sibling of a Niagara Falls mayor met a truly wonderful woman, and decided that he was going to ask her to marry him.

The problem was, however, she came from a good family and a stable home and had a prestigious job; unfortunately, the mayor’s little brother did not.
He commiserated with his best friend as follows, “Our parents were drug addicts and criminals and divorced when I was four and we were raised first in foster homes. No one in the family has seen or spoken to our parents in years.

“I have two brothers and two sisters. My older brother is mayor and my young brother is serving a seven year stretch in a federal prison for pedophilia. My youngest sister, I am sad to say, is a prostitute and my older sister and her boyfriend are crack head junkies who make meth and sell it to earn money.

“All things considered, I truly love this woman and believe we are soul mates. I want to be totally open and honest with her regarding my family.

“So the question is, should I tell her my oldest brother is mayor?”
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
166 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

CONTACT US

Have you ever aspired to write for the newspaper?
The Reporter is accepting submissions from our readers. News, opinion, sports, interesting hobbies... whatever you want to see published, with your byline on it. Send your copy to news1926@gmail.com. Please include your phone number. We reserve the right to exercise editorial control.

Archives

Contact Us

Email: news1926@gmail.com

Obituaries / In Memoriam: news1926@gmail.com

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Frank Parlato

Reporter Staff

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Frank Parlato

Executive Editor: Tony Farina

 

OWNED BY THE REPORTER INC.

Previous Story

Niagara County Offers a Free Chronic Disease Self-Management Workshop

Next Story

Liar Jokes

166
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x