Niagara Falls Jokes

Last week Niagara University and Niagara Falls Medical Center announced that they will jointly establish a medical tourism office downtown. We think that’s a great idea. Tourist will be able to have their cataracts removed before they view the cataracts.

There was quite the commotion downtown the other day when a mysterious backpack was found abandoned next to an electrical substation. Good thing it wasn’t discovered in the middle of the Power Project on the Robert Moses Parkway – it might have made a handful of Lewiston commuters late for the office.

Three contractors are bidding to build a hotel in Niagara Falls, one of them Hamister. All three meet with Governor Cuomo and Mayor Dyster. The first contractor makes his proposal. “Well,” he says, “I figure the land will cost about $1 million, $15 million to build the hotel and $900,000 profit for myself.

The second contractor tells Cuomo and Dyster, “I’ll pay $1.5 million for the empty lot, build the hotel for $14 million and keep a $800,000 profit.

Then it’s Hamister’s turn. He tells Cuomo and Dyster that he’ll purchase the lot for $100,000, accept $4.85 million in subsidies, borrow $24 million from Goldman Sachs, build the hotel for $18 million and mortgage it for $24 million, keep a $10 million profit and kick back $10,000 as a campaign donation to Gov. Cuomo.

Gov. Cuomo asks Hamister, “What about my buddy here, Paul Dyster. How are you going to take care of him?”

Hamister leans forward and whispers in the governor’s ear, “We’ll make him the bell-hop”.

Two drunks were walking on the railroad tracks outside the new Niagara Falls International Railway Station and Intermodal Transportation Center. One of them said, “This is is longest stairway I have ever been on.” To this, the other replied, “It’s not the stairs that bother me, it’s the low banister.”

Q: Why did the Niagara Falls resident cross the road?
A: To avoid paying the parking fee.