Q: If you’re driving in the city of Niagara Falls and somebody on a bicycle swerves in front of you, why should you try your best not to hit him?
A: There’s a good chance it’s your bike.
***
A Niagara Falls man arrested for violently assaulting a librarian was sitting at the police station trying to explain his crime.
“All I wanted to do was apply for a library card,” he claimed, “and she told me that I have to prove that I’m a resident of Niagara Falls…”
“So I stabbed her!”
***
Three buddies were about to try out the new canoe and kayak launch at Jayne Park at LaSalle in Niagara Falls. One was Canadian, one was from Buffalo and the third a hometown Niagara Falls boy. As unlikely as it may seem, a roving band of fierce headhunters happens upon the scene and captures them.
The top headhunter says to them, “We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in the fact that we don’t believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of your body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of your hair, we will render your bones for glue, and we will tan your skin and stretch it over wooden frames for canoes. Now we are going to allow you an honorable death, so I will give you a knife and allow you to say some last words before killing yourselves.”
The Canadian guy says, “Okay, I guess it’s the end, eh?” and slits his own throat. The friend from Buffalo yells “Go Bills!” and also slits his own throat. Then the Niagara Falls guy takes the knife, pokes holes all over his body, and yells, “There’s your f***ing canoe!”
***
Mayor Dyster told citizens at the Doubletree ribbon cutting ceremony the other day that they should learn from the past and embrace their mistakes, so they started forming a line to hug him and Cuomo.
***
It’s a little known fact that Cuomo’s Regional Economic director Sam Hoyt, who gave a presentation at City Hall on Monday, invented “Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.”
The tradition began several years ago in Albany when a quick-thinking Hoyt was spotted one morning leaving his apartment with a young female intern.
***
An old man with long gray whiskers was working as a bellhop at the new Hamister Hotel on Rainbow Blvd. “Hey!” said one of the guests, “I thought young boys were supposed to do your job,” to which the elderly gentleman replied, “I was a boy when they got started.”
