City Hall Jokes!

What do Sasquatch and Mayor Dyster have in common? They both avoided the Vince Anello show throughout 2014.

Council chairman Andy Touma is doing a survey seeking the opinions of residents regarding Charles Walker's late financial reports: When do you think Mr. Walker will finally file his campaign reports, A) When hell freezes over B) When pigs fly or C) When the sun tumbles from the sky.

Mayor Dyster was a guest on the Vince Anello radio show on Feb. 4. Dyster said the vast majority of city residents approved of his trash and recycling plan. He didn't say how the residents felt about his higher taxes, out of control spending, and crime.

The mayor recently said the Hamister hotel will "break ground in June." He also said that Santa Claus was hard at work at the North Pole and the Tooth Fairy bought a new magic wand.

His Honor is determined to put parking meters on downtown streets. That's like putting port a potties in the Sahara desert.

Dyster called the Maid of the Mist boat storage project "a military like operation" due to the speed and coordination it demanded. Yeah, we know it was "military like" because the work "invaded" the gorge, "exploded" environmental regulations and "shot to pieces" the taxpayer dollar.

The mayor's new parking plan is destined to join his other great plans: the Jayne Park Plan, the pay college students to live in the city plan, the Third Street revitalization plan, the Underground Railroad Interpretive Center plan and the Casino Cash no-plan-plan.

The mayor defended his parking plan, asking critics, "What would you rather have right now, my parking scheme or downtown shopping, fine dining, live entertainment, attractions and family entertainment?"

Mayor Dyster is always right, even when he's wrong. While on the Anello show the mayor ended his sentences by saying the word, "Right?" 79 different times.

The rodents are now weighing in. On February 2 "Niagara Falls Ned" the local groundhog slipped from his city hall burrow and saw his shadow. That means it will be another 6 years until Niagara Falls realizes any economic development.

File this under heard but unverified: Mayor Dyster was recently picked up by local police for public drunkenness and taken before the judge. When the judge asked him, "do you know why you're here?" Dyster slurred his answer: "no, your-a-lonor."

The judge said, " well you're here for drinking."

To which Dyster perked right up and asked the judge, " Well when do we get started?"