The mayor called it the 2015 state of the city, most residents called it the state of the shi**y. The state of the city:
If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a patient it would be on life support
If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a house it would be on fire
If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a lady of the night her asking price would be ten dollars
If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a dog it would be euthanized
The mayor wasn't able to find a sign language interpreter for his state of the city address. No one wanted to be accused of participating in an obscene performance.
In his address the mayor claimed that slow and steady progress was being made under his leadership. At this rate everything in the city should be honky dory by 2081.
The Buffalo News reported state of the city attendance as being 120 while the Gazette pegged it at only 80. Either the News loves Dyster 30% more or the Gazette loves Dyster 30% less.
Good news! There's now three cities with a crime rate higher than Niagara Falls: San Pedro Sula, Honduras; Cali, Colombia and, Nuevo Laredo, Mexico.
Another winner from the Dyster administration think tank.
Rumor has it that city hall will announce their "thought and action" plan, to be known as "T and A." From what we understand the one thing city hall definitely doesn't need more of is T and A.
How is Dyster's trash and recycling plan like a one year old child? Neither can effectively get on their feet.
Mayor Dyster was recently heard telling someone "just give me three minutes and I'll make it better." Mrs. Dyster was heard to say "trust me, I've given him three minutes time and again and it doesn't get better!"
This just in! Ted Baxter the pompous radio announcer from the popular Mary Tyler Moore show phoned, he wants Tom Darro to return his persona.