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By Frank Thomas Croisdale

Well, the festivities for President's Day have just begun to die down and things are slowly getting back to normal. According to a recent study done by the Ijustmadethisup Institute, President's Day ranks as the 23rd most popular American holiday -- finishing just ahead of Arbor Day, but behind the quickly rising Random Answer Day.

Bob: "Pete, are you going to the game on Sunday?"

Pete: "I often wear women's underwear."

Jen: "Rachel, did you see where I put my purse down?"

Rachel: "Sometimes the voices in my head sing opera."

Of course, one of the best ways to celebrate President's Day is with commander-in-chief trivia. For instance, did you know that Bill Clinton only sent two e-mails while in office? It's true -- one was a test and the other was sent to John Glenn as he orbited the Earth. In fairness, his presidency did coincide with the explosion of Internet porn, so who had a free hand to type e-mails?

It does show just how much technology has changed since Clinton was president. Imagine if he was president today, what would his texts look like?

Bill: Hey, Monica -- holler @ your boy.

Monica: R U still gonna show me a magic show?

Bill: Word.

Monica: Gr8. What's the grand finale?

Bill: The disappearing cigar trick. LMFAO!!!

Our good friends at purpleslinky.com put together a list of presidential trivia. Let's take a look at some of the highlights.

Thomas Jefferson was an avid inventor who is credited with inventing the coat hanger, hideaway bed and dumbwaiter.

Impressive, but it pales compared to the inventions of George W. Bush. I speak, of course, of the two-day work week, the extended, extended, extended vacation, and while at college coining the phrase, "One line left to do is worth two in the Bush."

Herbert Hoover's son had two pet alligators.

Big deal -- President Kennedy's wife, Jackie, had two alligator handbags and a leopard-skin pillbox hat.

Jimmy Carter was the first president born in a hospital.

That's surely impressive, but then again, his brother Billy was the first person to receive a beer I.V. in a hospital, so maybe not so much.

Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32nd president, is said to be related to 11 other presidents.

Swell, but Thomas Jefferson is said to be related to lots of people with the last name of Hemings who had to fight to be invited to the annual Jefferson family reunion.

James Madison barely weighed 100 pounds.

Big deal, the left leg of William H. Taft, who tipped the scales at a hefty 332 pounds, once was deemed to weigh more than that. And that was after he spent a year as the first Weight Watchers celebrity spokesman.

Chester A. Arthur changed his pants several times a day. He owned 80 pairs of trousers.

On an unrelated note, Arthur was later diagnosed as the first president to suffer from irritable bowel syndrome.

Rutherford B. Hayes was the first president to use a telephone. His number was 1.

He was known to hit on women with the line, "You're pretty fly, girl. Let me give you my digit."

James Buchanan never married and his niece was White House hostess.

Strangely, the press corps at the time could never quite figure out why a procession of fey fancy boys were often found waiting to be let in at the White House back door.

William Henry Harrison was president for only 31 days before dying of pneumonia.

Yet he still put in three more actual working days as president than George W. Bush did!

Martin Van Buren was the first president born as a U.S. citizen. All before him were born in the British Colonies.

Big whoop, Barack Obama was the last president born outside the United States. Wait, scratch that -- Homeland Security wants that last sentence amended to read, "Hawaii is most definitely in the United States, and that, without a shred of a doubt, is where the president was born, now move along and keep your assertions and wisecracks to former presidents, got it?"

James Monroe died on the Fourth of July, 1831, following both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, who died on July 4, 1826.

Not surprisingly, every president since has watched the annual fireworks from inside a hyperbaric chamber while wearing a Kevlar vest and getting a B-12 injection.

Grover Cleveland was the first and only president to be married in the White House.

He was also the only president to hear the words, "I thought this was supposed to be my special day, Grover. You picked the flowers for my bouquet from the White House Rose Garden, really? I wanted to get married at St. Mary's Cathedral, but no. 'We'll save money this way,' you said. I hope you're not planning on consummating anything tonight, Mr. President, cuz I don't think so. No looty, no booty, capeesh?"

William McKinley was the first president to use campaign buttons. In retrospect, the phrase, "Don't shoot, I just came to see the lights on the big water drop" should have been strongly considered.

Herbert Hoover spoke Chinese to his wife to keep their conversations private.

It worked like a charm, because his wife didn't understand a word he said.

Harry Truman read every book in his hometown library.

When future president Sarah Palin was asked which books she read from her library, she answered thusly: (Blink).

Richard M. Nixon recommended a play to the Miami Dolphins in Super Bowl VI.

I know you can see this one coming, but sometimes the obvious answer is the right one: It was a quarterback sneak.

George H.W. Bush survived four plane crashes in World War II.

Ironically, his presidency couldn't survive the stock market crash of 1992.

And finally ...

James Garfield could perform a very unique parlor feat that entertained many. He could write in Latin with one hand, while writing in Greek with the other hand at the same time.

Bill Clinton had a similar skill. He could fondle actress Penelope Cruz with his right hand, while simultaneously feeling up fashion model Evelina Papantoniou with his left.

Here's hoping that you spent President's Day in the best fashion possible -- adding some Dead Presidents to your wallet.

Niagara Falls Reporter www.niagarafallsreporter.com Feb. 22, 2011