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By Mike Hudson

Being a cyber-gossip looks like such an easy job, I'm tempted to take it up myself.

The great thing about it is that you apparently don't have to talk to any of your sources.

I used to be in show business and I've lived and worked with a lot of great gay people. My best friend from childhood and old bandmate, Tim, is queer, and has been open about it for the past 30 years. My sister, Linda, is openly gay as well, and lives in one of the "red" states, where that can be a big problem.

So when cyber-gossip Matt Drudge published half a dozen demonstrably false stories last week about Sen. John Kerry having an affair with a grown woman, I asked the question with no malice.

Because it's been my observation that no one is more interested in the heterosexual doings of grown men and women than repressed homosexuals.

Drudge, who made his bones reporting heavily on the various real and imagined sexual dalliances of former president Bill Clinton, has vigorously denied his homosexuality, perhaps because his largely Republican, right-wing audience would look unfavorably upon it.

I wrote him an e-mail and asked if he was homosexual.

He didn't answer.

Like I said, I don't care what a man and a woman do in a bedroom. And I don't care what a man and a man do in a bedroom. Keep the kids out of it and everything's fine by me.

But Drudge seems to take great delight in peeking under other people's covers, while at the same time failing to fess up to behavior his political bedfellows might deem "unnatural."

Drudge's pals in the media -- the drug-addled Rush Limbaugh or the serially-married and estranged-from-her-family Dr. Laura -- have similar problems. So does the family values harpy Ann Coulter, who remains childless and unmarried, and has demonstrably lied about everything from Vice President Dick Cheney's resume to her own age on drivers' licenses taken out in various states.

Bill Bennett, former education secretary, drug czar and another one of Drudge's favorites, has proven to be a degenerate gambler, as records of his million-dollar losses in Las Vegas and Atlantic City show.

The worst of all is probably is Fox News pundit Bill O'Reilly, whose phony populist palaver seemingly has many convinced he's "looking out for you" when, in fact, he's a lying, racist coward. Sometimes, being in the media business is something you're almost ashamed to admit. Drudge's homosexuality doesn't disturb me.

Nor does Bennett's gambling degeneracy, Limbaugh's drug use, Coulter's obvious mental problems or O'Reilly's hypocrisy.

It's a free country and we're all pretty much allowed to go around saying whatever we want.

What bothers me is that these were the people who worked in tandem to get George W. Bush elected.

Somehow, Bush lost by a half-million votes and still got into the White House.

Somehow, when he did get in, he used every tool at his disposal to redistribute the wealth in this country from the poor and middle-class to the rich, throw three million people out of work and get about 550 brave young American men and women killed in a war we didn't have to fight.

Phonies and cowards like Drudge, O'Reilly, Dr. Laura, Limbaugh and Coulter facilitated this, and now have the nerve to call those who disagree with them traitors.

None of them served in the military.

Indeed, none of them were fit to serve in the military.

And yet, now, they presume to tell the rest of us who is and who is not patriotic.

The Federal Communications Commission, headed up by Colin Powell's kid, Michael, has launched an investigation into how Janet Jackson's breast -- its most interesting part covered by what looked like a sheriff's badge -- got onto television for a nanosecond during the annually abysmal half-time show at the Super Bowl.

The FCC would do better looking into shows like O'Reilly's -- which played the clip over and over again for a week straight in slow motion -- or Limbaugh's radio broadcast, which he's admittedly done high, a clear violation of the FCC Code.

In the meantime, I want to know whether the conservative slimemeister Matt Drudge is a closeted homosexual.

Since he won't respond, any of you ladies out there with any pertinent information may contact me either by phone or e-mail.

Niagara Falls Reporter www.niagarafallsreporter.com February 24 2004