It's a Good News Train Station Story Even If It's Entirely Off the Tracks

Niagara Falls Reporter

It's a Good News Train Station Story Even If It's Entirely Off the Tracks

Advisory to readers: The following article is satire, humor and tongue in cheek. So, all Dyster lovers and Reporter haters are forewarned. Since many Dyster Facebook devotees want us only to publish good news about Dyster we are trying to be obliging. The names are real even if the quotes are not, all in the name of good news.

Niagara Falls Mayor Paul A. Dyster and the city council majority of Charles Walker, Kristen Grandinetti, Andrew Touma and Robert Anderson kept the Dyster Intermodal Transportation Center moving down the tracks at the Jan. 21council meeting by approving an additional $350,000 for the project.

The added funds will allow Wendel Engineers to proceed with a second bid, and hopefully get the project away from first bid-winner Scrufari Construction and over to the Ciminelli Construction Company in the second round.

"Ciminelli gave us a wildly out of control $50 million courthouse, and I have total confidence they can come through for us once again with a costly, overpriced, and totally unnecessary train station," said Mayor Dyster.

A Wendel source, who declined to be identified, told the Reporter, "This added $350,000 for us to shuffle the bid papers a second time is great news. After all, the first time we only made $160,000, so it's only right that the mayor comes back to us this second time. And, knowing the mayor like we do, we are totally confident that, should we eff it up the second time, he will give us a third shot at getting it right."

Councilwoman Kristen Grandinetti said, "I have 100 percent confidence that Wendel will take this job and run with it, performing to their usual standards."

Sue Sherwood of Wendel addressed the council and took questions for 20 minutes. She didn't provide any answers, she just took the questions.

Mayor Dyster, as he met with a fawning media following the council session, put it best when he stated, "Look, this is largely federal money making this train station happen. It's not like it's costing you or me anything. All these critics that say 'taxpayer money is taxpayer money and it shouldn't be wasted' are just negative buzz kills. And, anyone who knows me knows I really hate having my buzz killed."

Charlie "choo-choo" Walker, the council chairman, literally glowed after the meeting. "I was the first and biggest supporter to the Underground Railroad Interpretive Center and, with my unquestioning support for that boondoggle, I don't think there is any way that I can't continue to give my complete support for this train station boondoggle, no matter what the cost."

Outside the council chambers, a gaggle of Dyster and train station supporters clapped and danced in joy as their vision of a new Niagara Falls with a new, but empty, train station continued to barrel down the tracks, like a fully loaded freight train, minus the brakes - and minus passengers.

Seth Piccirillo, the city's Community Development honcho, said, "That light you see up ahead isn't the 4:10 coming through the tunnel, it's a burning sunrise of a new day...a day in which every American who wishes to travel to Niagara Falls will be able to do so via the outmoded, antiquated and costly method of rail travel."

Addressing the fact that a $30 plus million train station is being built without any idea of how much it will cost to maintain, or how much it will cost to build, but with a clear indication that there will be few riders, Piccirillo is suggesting a novel approach to filling the train station with customers: he is going to recommend that the city pay people to take the train to Niagara Falls. "I think my plan's a winner," said the young CD director.

Mayor Dyster agreed and summed it up best saying, "I think what we're doing is absolutely unbelievable!"

It's a Good News Train Station Story Even If It's Entirely Off the Tracks
Advisory to readers: The following article is satire, humor and tongue in cheek. So, all Dyster lovers and Reporter haters are forewarned. Since many Dyster Facebook devotees want us only to publish good news about Dyster we are trying to be obliging. The names are real even if the quotes are not, all in the name of good news. Niagara Falls Mayor Paul A. Dyster and the city council majority of Charles Walker, Kristen Grandinetti, Andrew Touma and Robert Anderson kept the Dyster Intermodal Transportation Center moving down the tracks at the Jan. 21council meeting by approving an additional $350,000 for the project. The added funds will allow Wendel Engineers to proceed with a second bid, and hopefully get the project away from first bid-winner Scrufari Construction and over to the Ciminelli Construction Company in the second round. "Ciminelli gave us a wildly out of control $50 million courthouse, and I have total confidence they can come through for us once again with a costly, overpriced, and totally unnecessary train station," said Mayor Dyster. A Wendel source, who declined to be identified, told the Reporter, "This added $350,000 for us to shuffle the bid papers a second time is great news. After all, the first time we only made $160,000, so it's only right that the mayor comes back to us this second time. And, knowing the mayor like we do, we are totally confident that, should we eff it up the second time, he will give us a third shot at getting it right." Councilwoman Kristen Grandinetti said, "I have 100 percent confidence that Wendel will take this job and run with it, performing to their usual standards." Sue Sherwood of Wendel addressed the council and took questions for 20 minutes. She didn't provide any answers, she just took the questions. Mayor Dyster, as he met with a fawning media following the council session, put it best when he stated, "Look, this is largely federal money making this train station happen. It's not like it's costing you or me anything. All these critics that say 'taxpayer money is taxpayer money and it shouldn't be wasted' are just negative buzz kills. And, anyone who knows me knows I really hate having my buzz killed." Charlie "choo-choo" Walker, the council chairman, literally glowed after the meeting. "I was the first and biggest supporter to the Underground Railroad Interpretive Center and, with my unquestioning support for that boondoggle, I don't think there is any way that I can't continue to give my complete support for this train station boondoggle, no matter what the cost." Outside the council chambers, a gaggle of Dyster and train station supporters clapped and danced in joy as their vision of a new Niagara Falls with a new, but empty, train station continued to barrel down the tracks, like a fully loaded freight train, minus the brakes - and minus passengers. Seth Piccirillo, the city's Community Development honcho, said, "That light you see up ahead isn't the 4:10 coming through the tunnel, it's a burning sunrise of a new day...a day in which every American who wishes to travel to Niagara Falls will be able to do so via the outmoded, antiquated and costly method of rail travel." Addressing the fact that a $30 plus million train station is being built without any idea of how much it will cost to maintain, or how much it will cost to build, but with a clear indication that there will be few riders, Piccirillo is suggesting a novel approach to filling the train station with customers: he is going to recommend that the city pay people to take the train to Niagara Falls. "I think my plan's a winner," said the young CD director. Mayor Dyster agreed and summed it up best saying, "I think what we're doing is absolutely unbelievable!"

Niagara Falls Reporter - Publisher Frank Parlato Jr. www.niagarafallsreporter.com
Jan 28, 2014