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Letters to Andrew Cuomo

Dear Drew:

How can I best send my sons to prison?

I don't want my boys to commit nothing too serious; something that maybe can coincide with the college degree they need.

My one son wants to be a bacteriologist which means a six year prison sentence.

What crime would you recommend he commit to get something just right for his educational needs?

Also, which prison serves the best meals and provides high speed internet service?

Junious LaRue



Dearest Gov. Cuomo:

I am a middle aged man and between the taxes I pay on my home, the taxes taken out of my paycheck and the sales taxes I pay every time I buy anything, I don't seem to get ahead.

I have a decent job as a janitor at a local college. Seeing all these kids there and their parents paying for their education, I've oftentimes thought about returning to college.

I have an associate degree, but had to quit college and get a job since there was no good governor like you who would allow me to get free college.

I don't have a criminal record and I don't really want to hurt anybody. So what kind of crime should I commit to get into prison to get myself a bachelor's degree?

I'm a little worried cause, since I have no record, I might get probation and not get my diploma.

Are there any guidelines about what crime one should commit to get which kind of degree?

I have a friend who wants to get his PHD. Does he have to commit a violent offense or could he get it by committing some kind of embezzlement?

Hans Winker

Niagara Falls



Niagara Falls Reporter - Publisher Frank Parlato Jr. www.niagarafallsreporter.com

Feb 25, 2014