Translating ‘In da Club’ for the average reader

Dear Sir; I really adore the song, “In da Club," by rapper 50 Cent. I understand it sold over 7,000,000 copies, was nominated for Grammy awards, was a number one hit and ranked in Rolling Stone's 500 greatest songs of all time. I am embarrassed to admit that, although I love this song, I do not understand what the song is about. Now, the problem is, I am a bedwetting liberal, and if the song is not poltically correct, I can’t listen to it. But, on the other hand, MTV, the Grammy’s, Rolling Stone and their advertisers, I presume, are politically correct. Could you translate the lyrics for me so I’ll know that it’s OK for me to listen to it?
Ronnie M., Niagara Falls.

Sure, Ronnie, we’ll try. The original lyrics are in bold. Our translation follows underneath in regular typeface.

In Da Club
In The Nightclub

Go shawty, it's your birthday
We gonna party like it's your birthday
Carry on and enjoy, sexually at tractive female, as if it is your birthday.

We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday
And you know we don't give a
f---, it's not your birthday
We shall consume libations made by Bacardi Limited of Hamilton, Bermuda, in quantities, as if it were your birthday, without regard to the fact that it is not your birthday.

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub
Look mami, I got the X if you into takin' drugs
I will be at this nightclub with a bottle of champagne.
Be advised, dancing vixen, I am also in unlawful possession of the drug, Ecstasy, which I'm willing to provide to you, if you desire.

I'm into havin' sex, I ain't into makin' love
So come gimme a hug, if you're into gettin' rubbed
I am interested in sexual intercourse with an indifferent partner, as opposed to a romantic interlude with a devoted individual. Embrace me if your amorous propensities are in accordance with mine and we can perform acts of bodily friction that will sexually excite us.

When I pull up out front, you see the Benz on dubs
When I roll 20 deep, it's 20 knives in the club
When I arrive at this establishment, you will observe I drive a Mercedes Benz with the original rims taken off and in place are specialized rims. I brought 20 bodyguards with weapons to protect me from danger.

Niggaz heard I f--- with Dre, now they wanna show me love
When you sell like Eminem, and the hoes, they wanna f---
African American men know that the rapper known as Dr. Dre assisted me and consequently my success is assured. Now these men wish to befriend me.
Because my recorded music sells as well as the rapper Eminem, gold-digging women, who are not unlike prostitutes, wish to have sexual encounters with me.

But homie ain't nuttin' changed hoes down, G's up
My fellows, I have not become effete. Women (who are not unlike prostitutes) are submissive; men (who are not unlike gangsters) are dominant.

I see Xzibit in the cut, hey nigga roll that weed up
I see another rapper, Xzibit, in the establishment. Hello my fellow African American, it would be pleasant to smoke marijuana with you.

If you watch how I move, you'll mistake me for a player or pimp
Been hit wit a few shells but I don't walk wit a limp
You might think I am an effete playboy or mere manager of prostitutes. But I am a man who has committed criminal activities of a violent nature and have been consequently struck by bullets. It has not affected my gait or style however.

In the hood, in L.A. they sayin,"50 you hot"
They like me, I want them to love me like they love Pac
Within the city of Los Angeles, especially neighborhoods that are occupied by peoples of a low or negative cash flow, these do proclaim, "Fifty Cents, you are popular.” They are quite fond of me, but it is my wish that they adore me, as they do the late Tupac Shakur, a former rapper.

But holla in New York them niggaz'll tell ya, I'm loco
And the plan is to put the rap game in a choke hold
However, if you ask certain African American gentlemen in New York City, these will say I am not mentally stable. Consequently I am known to become violent.
Regardless my plan is to become the number one rap artist.

I'm fully focused man, my money on my mind
Got a mill' out the deal and I'm still on the grind
I'm a man whose energies are concentrated on pecuniary gain. On one particular transaction I made a million dollars, yet I'm actively engaged in making more.

Now shawty said she feelin' my style, she feelin' my flow
Her girlfriend willin' to get bi and they ready to go
The sexually attractive woman I met here has informed me she appreciates the way in which I conduct myself, and that she and her female friend have expressed a desire to engage in certain sex acts with me simultaneously.

My flow, my show brought me the dough
That bought me all my fancy things
My crib, my cars, my pools, my jewels
Look nigga, I done came up, and I ain't changed
My words, music and fine appearance have brought me sufficient money to purchase a house (which I compare to a bed with high sides for a young child or baby), as well as automobiles, swimming pools and jewelry. Despite this, I remain unaltered in character.

And you should love it, way more then you hate it
Nigga, you mad? I thought that you'd be happy I made it
African American gentleman, are you suffering from mental illness? I was under the impression that you would be joyful upon learning of a fellow African American’s success.

I'm that cat by the bar toastin' to the good life
You that faggot-ass nigga tryin' to pull me back, right?
I am a contented individual offering a toast to pleasant existence. You are an effeminate or homosexual-like African American man who is endeavoring to reduce me to your status. Do you dispute this?

When my joint get to pumpin' in the club it's on
I wink my eye at ya bitch, if she smiles she's gone
When my song is being played in the club, the night seems perfect.
If I cast a lecherous gaze at a woman and if she reciprocates with a smile this indicates she is going to acquiesce to promiscuous sex.

If the roof on fire, let the mother- f----- burn
If you talkin about money, homie, I ain't concerned
Let’s celebrate heartily; money is no object.

I'm a tell you what Banks told me 'cause go 'head switch the style up
If the niggaz hate then let 'em hate then watch the money pile up
I'll relate what Lloyd Banks told me: Do as you please and if envious African American men are filled with enmity, I should be unconcerned and derive satisfaction from the accumulation of money.

Or we can go upside your head wit a bottle of bub
Or, in the alternative, I will hit you in the head with a champagne bottle.

They know where we f---n' be
Don't try to act like you don't know where we be neither nigga
We in the club all the time nigga, it's about to pop off nigga, G-Unit
As it is widely known, I and my bodyguards, known as G-Unit, will be at the nightclub as usual, and are prepared to do physical violence to African American men who are dissatisfied with my conduct.
In fact, we may, potentially, commence a violent assault upon your person at this particular time.