Niagara Falls Jokes

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While the official Niagara Falls’ City Hall website is rarely updated, we were still concerned to find, when clicking on the Ethics page, “Sorry – Under Construction.”

***

In the year 2020, the contractor hired by the city finally finished paving Lockport Street and one of its workers was putting the last touches on the new pavement, painting the lines that went down the center of the street.

The first day he managed to paint 2 blocks, and his foreman was very pleased.

The next day he only painted half a block, but his foreman thought that he’d probably started off too energetically on the first day.

But on the third day he was only able to paint 20 feet.

The foreman called him into the office and demanded an explanation.

“Well, you see it’s getting so darn far to walk back and forth to the paint bucket,” the worker explained.

***

Mayor Dyster and Seth Piccirillo were in a pub on Niagara Street enjoying craft beers when Seth told the mayor, “Look, I’ll give you $200, if you let me smash ten craft beer bottles over your head.”

Dyster thought for a while and finally agreed because he needed cab fare to get home, since it was after midnight and the free Discover Niagara shuttle had had its last run hours before.

So the Community Development director smashed the first bottle over his boss’s head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.

“So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?,” demanded the mayor.

“Why?” replied Piccirillo, “then I would have to give you $200.”

***

Mayor Dyster needed to relax from the pressures of City Hall and decided to take up horse riding as a hobby. Although he had no previous experience he skillfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace. After a short time the mayor becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle.

Panicking, he grabs the horse round the neck shouting for it to stop. Onlookers start to scream and shout for someone to help him, as by this time he’s slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse’s neck.

Dyster decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along Dyster’s head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. The gathering crowd is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!

Hearing the screams, the craft beer brewmaster comes out from behind the bar, and unplugs the horse!

***

With respect to voter turn-out for Tuesday’s primary election: “Apathy is a sort of living oblivion.” – Horace Greeley

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