A tourist visiting Niagara Falls wandered out of Niagara Falls State Park and immediately got lost. She walked past numerous cheaply-built, taxpayer-subsidized box hotels until she found herself on Main Street in front of City Hall. Marveling at the size and impressive architecture of the structure, she asked a passerby, “How many people work in there?” The local resident replied, “Oh, about one in ten.”
As part of an early April Fools joke, Seth Piccirillo waited outside Mayor Dyster’s office and yelled, “Hey, Mayor!” and when Dyster walked over to his office door, looked outside and called out, “May I help you?” his assistant Piccirillo doused him with a bucket of cold water.
The mayor being a good sport, and the joke having worked so well, Mr. Piccirillo decided to try it again a second day, and sure enough, after shouting “Hey, Mayor!” Dyster responded “May I help you?” and fell for the joke a second time. Then it happened again on the third day, before Mayor Dyster finally wised up to the game and decided to turn the tables on his rascally Director of Community Development.
So Mayor Dyster got his own bucket of cold water, went to Mr. Piccirillo’s office and called out, “Hey Seth, come here, I want to talk to you!”
Seth Piccirillo replied, “”Seth’s not here at the moment, but who’s asking? Is it you, Mayor?” “Yes, it’s me,” says Mayor Dyster as he puts down his bucket of water and steps around the corner into the doorway, “May I help you?”
The two New York State cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Niagara Falls and Albany. The difference between the two is that in Niagara Falls the drunks are gambling with our own money.
Except for the craft beer drinkers.
After having been elected to four terms as mayor of Niagara Falls, and then serving as President Cuomo’s ambassador to Lichtenstein for eight years, Paul Dyster decided to retire. But after a few months, he started to get bored and was successful at obtaining a job at the Niagara Falls International Railway Station and Intermodal Transportation Center driving an Amtrak train.
One afternoon, after having consumed copious quantities of craft beers, he crashed the train, tragically causing the deaths of a number of passengers.
He went to trial and even though manslaughter in New York State doesn’t warrant the death penalty, the judge made an exception and sentenced the former mayor to the ultimate penalty.
On the day of execution, they strapped him into the electric chair, and since a pardon was not forthcoming from President Cuomo (who had by then appointed himself to a third term) they turned on the “juice.”
To everyone’s amazement, despite sparks and smoke and a little flame, the one-time mayor survived!
Since it is customary to free any man who survives execution, they unstrapped Mr. Dyster, who stood up from the electric chair and proclaimed, “I guess I’m as bad at being a conductor as I was at everything else!”