Niagara Falls Jokes

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A Lewiston resident and a Niagara Falls resident were discussing their housing situations.

The Lewiston resident said, “Only 14 more days, and my contractor said I can move in!”

The Niagara Falls resident said, “Only 14 more public housing forms to fill out, and my social worker said I can move in!”

***

This recent question was presented in a poll:  “What do you think is the biggest problem in Niagara Falls? Uncertainty or indifference?” Over 90 per cent answered, “I don’t know and I don’t care!”

***

A group of tourists was out for an evening of dinner, drinks and nightclubbing on the Third Street tourist strip.

***

Jesus made an unexpected mid-morning appearance at a Niagara Falls bar. There were three patrons sipping shots and beer. One said to the Lord, “If it’s true you can work miracles, can you please cure my injured knee?” and Jesus effected the healing.

The second asked Jesus, “Can you please cure my terrible backache?” and it was done.

The third man, who happened to be a city worker, looked at Jesus and said, “Stay right away from me, my disability isn’t close to running out yet.”

***

A sibling of a Niagara Falls mayor met a truly wonderful woman, and decided that he was going to ask her to marry him.

The problem was, however, she came from a good family and a stable home and had a prestigious job; unfortunately, the mayor’s little brother did not.
He commiserated with his best friend as follows, “Our parents were drug addicts and criminals and divorced when I was four and we were raised first in foster homes. No one in the family has seen or spoken to our parents in years.

“I have two brothers and two sisters. My older brother is mayor and my young brother is serving a seven year stretch in a federal prison for pedophilia. My youngest sister, I am sad to say, is a prostitute and my older sister and her boyfriend are crack head junkies who make meth and sell it to earn money.

“All things considered, I truly love this woman and believe we are soul mates. I want to be totally open and honest with her regarding my family.

“So the question is, should I tell her my oldest brother is mayor?”

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