A German tourist walks into the Burger King in Niagara Falls and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, fast food establishments actually do serve beer).
The local guy in the line behind him immediately starts mocking him: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!”
The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the local guy and begins to laugh.
“And what’s so funny?!?” the guy from Niagara Falls demands. “Oh, nothing really,” replied the German. “I just realized that you live here.”
***
A man and a woman from Niagara Falls who had never met before found themselves in the same sleeping car of an Amtrak train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.” The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea… let’s pretend you’re my baby mommy.”
“Why not?” giggles the woman. “Good,” he replies, “Now shut the f*** up or I’ll punch your lights out.”
**
Steve plans to go for a 15 minute boat ride on Jimmy Glynn’s Maid of the Mist, and he tells his doctor that he’s worried about getting seasick. The doctor tells him, “Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.” Steve says, “Will that keep me from getting sick?” The doctor says, “No, but it’ll look pretty awesome splattered all over the the tourists you’re packed in with.”
***
What did Dyster say one morning after spending the night at the Hamister, having arranged for hundreds of thousands of dollars in subsidies and tax breaks for cheaply-built box hotels in downtown Niagara Falls? “I’m sorry to leave, now that I’ve almost bought the place.”
***
The Niagara Falls police officer called into headquarters with bad news.
“What’s the situation?” asked the captain. “A woman killed her husband. 12 stabs, 2 gunshot wounds, half burnt, and thrown down the stairs,” was the reply.
“That’s not good, what was the reason?” “She told us the husband intentionally started walking on the floor which she recently cleaned.”
“Did you arrest her?” “No. We’re waiting for the floor to dry.”