Niagara ReporterWhen construction crews unearthed metal barrels while finishing up expansion or the south Moses Parkway traffic circle, Mayor Dyster dropped everything and rushed over there – he thought they might be kegs.
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Two men are in a Niagara Falls bar. One says “A girl I met in Buffalo gave me a sexually transmitted disease.” His friend replies “You’re lucky. I’ve got Obamacare. I have to pay for it!”
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The Niagara Falls City Council was concerned.
It’s been almost a year since the new parking meters were installed on the streets, and so far, the Dyster administration hasn’t reported any revenue from them whatsoever. So Council Chairman Charles Walker called up Mayor Dyster and asked him for an accounting.
“It’s like I told you people when I convinced you to vote for them,” said the mayor, “in one year, those meters will have paid for themselves!”
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Tomorrow, Donald Trump takes the oath of office and will become the most powerful individual in the world. You can read all about it in the newspapers, as well as the Book of Revelation.
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A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for her family for dinner that night. She looked at the display of brains and saw that Buffalo brains were $4.95 per lb, the average Niagara Falls brains were $4.90 per lb, but Dyster supporter brains were $450.00 per lb.
She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the Dyster supporter brains was a misprint. “No ma’am,” answered the butcher. “That is the correct price.” “Well, why are the brains of Dyster supporters so expensive?” exclaimed the cannibal. “Do you know how many Dyster supporters it takes to get a pound of brains!?” replied the butcher.
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Q: What are McDonald’s employees now asking customers in Niagara Falls? A: Can you afford fries with that?
