Finally, the words "stunt" and "Niagara Falls" are being reintroduced to one another and I'm here to tell you, it's a good thing.
The falls and stunters go together like chicken wings and bleu cheese. From the high-wire acrobatics of the Great Blondin to Annie Edson Taylor's history-making plunge in 1901 to the exploits of Red Hill Sr., the daredevil and the cataracts have long been joined in the public imagination. For much of the early part of the 20th century, it was nearly impossible to separate the image of one from the other. Niagara, like Everest, became a symbol of industrial-era America's thirst to size up the impossible and bring it to its knees through the brute force of a burgeoning can-do attitude.
And the tourists loved every minute of it.
The latter part of the last century saw the dissolution of what was such a surefire winning combination. The parks departments on both sides of the river felt that stunters were a safety risk to themselves and their would-be rescuers. Hefty fines were created to dissuade stunting and jail time was threatened for anyone lucky enough to survive a plunge. Just like honeymooners and hot bowls of Shredded Wheat, stunting became nearly extinct at Niagara. A golden era seemed destined to fade into oblivion.
Enter PGA golfer John Daly to the rescue.
On Aug. 3, 2005, Daly will attempt to become the first person to hit a golf ball over Niagara Falls. Ostensibly, he will do this to celebrate the grand opening of the world-class Thundering Waters Golf Club, a Niagara Falls, Ont., signature course he designed, but in the larger scope of things he's doing it to usher in a new era of stunting at Niagara.
Daly will need to hit the ball some 350 yards over the powerful and unpredictable updrafts of wind that are created by the force of the water flowing over the Horseshoe Falls. If successful, Daly will carry the ball from the Table Rock area in Ontario to Goat Island in the United States and, in doing so, open the flood gates for a new breed of stunters.
The possibilities of mind-boggling stunts are staggering. Just think of all of the amazing feats related to the world of sports that could be attempted and conquered at Niagara.
Buffalo Bills punter Brian Moorman could become the first person to punt a ball from the observation deck of the Skylon Tower across the river to Luna Island. Moorman has one of the stronger legs in the NFL and his hang time would certainly benefit from the 770-foot deck at the Skylon. Extra points would be awarded if Bills kick returner Nate Clements could navigate the crosswinds and safely fair catch the ball.
When you look at the Horseshoe Falls, it is easy to forget that there are faces inside peering back at you from the tunnels of the Journey Behind the Falls. No one has ever pierced the plunging water from the outside to place anything inside the tunnels, but that all could change in a hurry. What if fastball hurler Roger Clemens was set up on a mound on the deck of the Maid of the Mist and challenged to throw a strike through the water and into the tunnel? Could Roger the Dodger's nearly 100 mph fastball slice through Niagara? It sure would be a hoot to find out.
Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova have quickly established one of the top rivalries on the WTA circuit. Wouldn't it be phenomenal if Niagara Falls could help them take things to a new level? Here's the set-up: A net and lines are placed on the White Water Boardwalk next to the raging rapids of the Lower Niagara. The rules of the game are simple, it's standard tennis with one caveat -- the first person to hit 10 balls into the river loses.
Scott Norwood missed the all-time most infamous field goal attempt in NFL history and sent the Buffalo Bills to defeat in Super Bowl XXV. How about giving him a chance at redemption? Frank Reich would take the long snap from center and place the ball down on Prospect Point. Norwood's task would be to drill the ball over the American Falls and through a set of uprights placed on Goat Island. Shank this one wide right, Scotty, and you're in the drink both figuratively and literally.
Summer shouldn't be the only season when stunts are attempted at Niagara. Winter brings the formation of the beautiful Ice Bridge to the Lower Niagara River. The Winter Olympics feature the strange sport known as the biathlon, where cross-country skiing is combined with rifle marksmanship. How about the bibowlathon? Buffalo Sabres speedster Max Afinogenov would skate down the river and attempt to dodge Brunswick missiles launched from the hand of PBA bowler, Buffalo's own Tom Baker. Not since the end of the Cold War could the thought of a Russian strike be so frightening.
There's no more popular game in America right now than Texas Hold 'Em Poker. Everyone else is cashing in on this raging fad, why not Niagara? Imagine, if you will, a table of six players from the World Poker Tour going head-to-head next to the rapids as experienced from Three Sisters Islands. Now try to envision an all-in final pot showdown between Scott Nguyen and Daniel Negreanu. Scott's holding pocket aces and Daniel needs a trey on the final card for an inside straight. It would be an announcer's dream call: "Daniel is praying to the Three Sisters for a trey as we see the river by the river."
Tommy Smothers is as well-known for his prowess with a yo-yo as he is as half of the nation's most beloved folk duo. How about this stunt idea? Tommy is sent out on the Spanish Aero Car over the Whirlpool and has to walk-the-dog with his Duncan Imperial on the car's cables for the entire trip.
John Daly shouldn't be the only golfer to have fun at Niagara. How about getting his pals Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh into the act with a unique hole-in-one contest? Both men would take turns teeing the ball up from the Canadian shoreline and attempting to drop a shot onto the rusting frame of the Old Scow moored above the Horseshoe Falls. Bonus points awarded to Tiger if he can recreate his Master's trick of making the Nike swoop on his ball linger on the Scow's lip before tumbling in.
These are just a few of the many new types of stunts that could help put Niagara back into the national consciousness. Best of all, they're much safer than the old style of stunting and sure to please a new generation of fans weaned on ESPN.
So it is with bated breath that we await Aug. 3 and John Daly's attempt to add his name to Niagara's fabled history. If he is successful, it just may become known as the shot heard 'round the stunting world.
| Niagara Falls Reporter | www.niagarafallsreporter.com | May 3 2005 |