Niagara Falls Jokes

August 4, 2017 Staff 1

A tourist visiting Niagara Falls wandered out of Niagara Falls State Park and immediately got lost. She walked past numerous cheaply-built, taxpayer-subsidized box hotels until she found herself on Main Street in front of City Hall. Marveling at the size and impressive architecture of the structure, she asked a passerby, “How many people work in there?” The local resident replied, “Oh, about one in ten.”

***

As part of an early April Fools joke, Seth Piccirillo waited outside Mayor Dyster’s office and yelled, “Hey, Mayor!” and when Dyster walked over to his office door, looked outside and called out, “May I help you?” his assistant Piccirillo doused him with a bucket of cold water. read more

Niagara Falls Jokes

July 27, 2017 Staff 38

Gov. Cuomo was staying at the posh new Hotel Niagara and was about to go to sleep when there was a knock at his door. It turned out to be a pretty maid who told him, “I’ve come to turn down your bed,” to which the guv replied, “You wouldn’t be the first!”

***

A kid walks up to another kid at a Niagara Falls playground and tells him, “My daddy can beat up your daddy.”

The other kid replies, “Really? When?”

***

“I thought those people next door were drug dealers,” says a guy to his friend as they were sitting on their 19th Street porch drinking craft beers at one o’clock in the afternoon, “but it turns out, they’re Boy Scouts.” read more

Return of the King

July 27, 2017 Staff 19

By Matt Cole

The longstanding entrance music of Conor McGregor holds within its mighty verses the words “Right proudly high in Dublin town hung they out a flag of war”.

In the now famous words of The Notorious One “When one of us goes to war, we all go to war!”

The first shots in this war have been fired.

The battle of New York has begun.

Artvoice was there.

In Brooklyn, New York, 13,165 people including worldwide media outlets packed the Barclays Center. To watch a press conference. After hip hop artists and New York legends Swiss Beats and Doug E Fresh warmed up the crowd, Showtime VP Stephen Espinoza [who McGregor publicly and repeatedly dubbed “Weasel” after blaming him for McGregor’s mic being cut at the inaugural Mayweather/McGregor Press Conference in Los Angeles] was pulled from the stage, of his own event, prematurely as his speech was completely inaudible under the furious boos and jeers of the pro-Irish crowd. read more

Buffalo Niagara film fest centers on Niagara Falls for a change!

July 27, 2017 Mike Hudson 45
Bill Cowell
Bill Cowell is a movie buff’s movie buff. Born and raised in Niagara Falls, he’s the boss of the Buffalo Niagara International Film Festival (BNFF) now celebrating its 11th season. “This season, we’re looking at capitalizing on the whole Niagara Falls legend and brand,” Mr. Cowell said. “It’s a location that’s both historic and has a unique place in the history of film.”  

Mr. Cowell founded the BNFF in 2006, and watched it quickly grow to be one of the largest and most exciting film festivals held in New York State. The festival has provided the breaking ground for many successful films such as “The Cake Eaters,” “Sinner” and “Christina,” and has attracted its own share of A-listers, including Robert Redford, Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Culp, Louis Gossett Jr., Michael Madsen, Eric Roberts and Tom Sizemore over the years. read more

The Buffalo Niagara Film Festival Returns

July 20, 2017 Staff 44

Buffalo Niagara Film Festival

The Buffalo Niagara Film Festival has grown from its modest beginnings on the University at Buffalo campus in 2007.  Since then, it has become the region’s premier gathering of professionals and dreamers who aspire to bask in the glow of the silver screen.

Bill Cowell, the founder of the BNFF, points to this year’s new venue as proof of the growth and popularity of the Festival.  This year, the Four Seasons Cinema at 2429 Military Road in the City of Niagara Falls will play host to the event, starting on Wednesday, September 20.  The Four Seasons has six screens and all of them will be in use during the Festival. read more

Niagara Falls Jokes

July 20, 2017 Staff 43

The driver on the Discover Niagara shuttle announced that he was going to tell a joke at the expense of Niagara Falls. A woman in the back of the shuttle said, “No, don’t do that. I live here.” The driver looked up at her in the mirror and said, “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll explain it to you afterwards.”

***

Then she got off the Discover Niagara shuttle at the next stop, and he had to save his joke for the next day, when somebody got on again.

***

Shuttle-4

A Niagara Falls man was drinking at a Lewiston bar all afternoon, so he decided that he would take the Discover Niagara shuttle home… Luckily, it was still where he had parked it. read more

Liar Jokes

July 14, 2017 Staff 29

dyster-beer

A young Paul Dyster came crying to his father.

“Dad, my college frat brothers say that I’m a liar!” he sobbed.

“But son,” his father replied, “you don’t belong to a frat!”

***

“Are you aware,” asked the recruiter when Dyster applied for his first job, upon examining his resume’, “that a half truth is the equivalent of a whole lie?”

***

His parents once punished Dyster for lying, and he turned on them, stamped his feet and shouted, “Santa! Easter Bunny! Tooth Fairy!” read more

Niagara Falls Jokes

July 14, 2017 Staff 26

A Lewiston resident and a Niagara Falls resident were discussing their housing situations.

The Lewiston resident said, “Only 14 more days, and my contractor said I can move in!”

The Niagara Falls resident said, “Only 14 more public housing forms to fill out, and my social worker said I can move in!”

***

This recent question was presented in a poll:  “What do you think is the biggest problem in Niagara Falls? Uncertainty or indifference?” Over 90 per cent answered, “I don’t know and I don’t care!” read more

Niagara Falls Jokes

March 2, 2017 Staff 19

Delaware North owner and billionaire Jeremy Jacobs was visiting his restaurants and food stands in Niagara Falls State Park when he decided to go for a drive through the city of Niagara Falls. He drove past a vacant lot where there was a small group of children who were eating the grass in the lot because they were so hungry.

Jacobs had his limo driver pull to the curb and he rolled down his window and asked a woman, who was watching over the children, “Why are they eating grass?” She told him that many people in the city of Niagara Falls were poor because all the tourists who come here every year eat in the state park instead of restaurants and diners in the city. read more

Niagara Falls Jokes

February 23, 2017 Reporter 30

Mayor Dyster was hosting a diversity training session when he heard one of the Hispanic attendees use the word “manana”. Dyster asked him to explain what “manana” meant.

He was told that the term means “Maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?”

Somebody then asked the Mayor if he knew if there was an English equivalent word for “manana”, to which he replied, “No, I don’t think so. In Niagara Falls we don’t have a word to describe that degree of urgency.” read more

Niagara Falls Jokes

February 3, 2017 Staff 29

Niagara Falls Mayor Paul A. Dyster was relaxing one evening with some craft beers when he remembered he had neglected to let the dog back in from the cold evening. Beer in hand, the mayor walks out onto his porch, his foot hits a patch of ice and down he goes.

 Hitting his head, he momentarily blacked out, and when he came to, all up and down the front of his shirt and pants were wet. “Dear Lord!” he exclaimed, “Please let that be blood!” dyster-beer ***  Contest in a Niagara University English class: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner’s story: “Oh God, I’m pregnant, I wonder who did it.” *** Q: How was the Niagara Gorge created? A: Jimmy Glynn and Jeremy Jacobs were fighting over a penny.

***

A drunk staggers out of a Niagara Falls bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says, “Dude, I’m Jesus Christ!” And the priest says, “No son, you’re not.” So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, “Man, I’m Jesus Christ!” Then the priest says, “No son, you’re not.” Finally, the drunk had enough and said, “Here, I’ll prove it.” He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re back AGAIN?” read more

Niagara Falls Jokes

January 26, 2017 Staff 21

Q: If you’re driving in the city of Niagara Falls and somebody on a bicycle swerves in front of you, why should you try your best not to hit him?

A: There’s a good chance it’s your bike.

***

A Niagara Falls man arrested for violently assaulting a librarian was sitting at the police station trying to explain his crime.

“All I wanted to do was apply for a library card,” he claimed, “and she told me that I have to prove that I’m a resident of Niagara Falls…” read more