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SEP 15 - SEP 22, 2015

Some other Made up Political Parties for Cuomo to Consider

By Mike Hudson

SEP 15, 2015

The pizza and wings party is a Western New York tradition and a real Pizza and Wings Party might nominate some candidates actually worth voting for.
The Pajamas Aren't Just For Bedtime Party would enjoy solid support among those who regularly patronize the Portage Road Tops here.
The Government Employees Party would certainly be one of the wealthiest political organizations in all of New York!
Everybody knows dogs can play poker, so why can't they vote? The Dog and Cat Equality Party would give Cuomo a new base of support that might just make him the first Italian-American president.
The Drunks Against Mad Mothers Party would enjoy wide bipartisan support and cross all socio-economic lines!

Now that state Supreme Court Judge Frank Caruso has effectively put the kibosh on Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s phony baloney Women’s Equality Party, he will no doubt be casting his net far and wide to find some new cause the next minor party he creates out of thin air can be said to champion.

After all, the Women’s Equality scam would appeal to your basic Kristen Grandinetti type voter but ask most men in the state and they’d tell you that they wished that the women in their lives would accept equality without asking for anything more. 

The Working Families Party is of course already taken, and that’s a shame. How can anyone, after all, be against working families? In fact, were it not for chronic joblessness, we would suspect that the Working Families Party might become a dominant force in 21st century politics.

Anyway, since the mothballing of the Women’s Equality Party occurred in Niagara Falls, where Judge Caruso’s courtroom is located, it seemed only natural that the good people of Niagara Falls should come up with a suitable replacement.

The Top 5 suggestions we received while canvassing the parking lot out in front of the Portage Road Tops are listed in reverse order.

5. The Drunks Against Mad Mothers Party

Of all the crimes committed in Niagara Falls, drunk driving is one of the most common. The closing down of neighborhood taverns has forced those wishing to enjoy a cold libation to go traipsing about all over town. With fines, jail time, lawyer’s fees and other penalties guaranteed to make a lousy year for anyone, plenty of voters might willingly enroll in a party that targets the mad mothers who changed everything in the first place.

4. The Pajamas Aren’t Just For Bedtime Party

Based on the clientele we observed, practically every single person who shops at the Portage Road Tops is a potential voter for this party. Snow boots in the winter, sandals in the summer, oversized sweat pants and T-shirt the year round. Whether homeless or famous, wearing the clothes you slept in to the store seems like an idea whose time has come.

3. The Dog and Cat Equality Party

Let’s face it. Dogs and cats aren’t property, like furniture or a car. They’re more like people. And as such, they have rights. Great strides have been made in recent years by those who would give pets rights previously reserved for humans and one of the most precious rights we have is the right to vote. Anyone who’s ever spent much time around dogs and cats knows their innate intelligence firsthand. They would never have elected Paul Dyster as mayor.

2. The Government Employees Party

Between the city, the school district, the county and the state, and quasi-governmental agencies such as the hospital, the tourism and convention bureau and the Power Authority, most people with any kind of decent job here are working for the government and being paid with taxpayer dollars. The homes in DeVeaux once built for executives of Carborundum, Olin and Hooker Chemical are now lived in by cops, firefighters and school teachers. The Government Employees Party would quickly become the wealthiest political organization in Western New York.

1.            The Pizza and Wings Party

The one thing New Yorkers, and Western New Yorkers, love the most is a large pizza and a big pile of hot wings. Getting people to join the party would be simple: Just drive a truck around and give a large pizza and a big pile of hot wings to everyone who signs up. The Pizza and Wings Party would attract Democrats and Republicans alike, possibly putting those organizations out of existence altogether. Lowering delivery charges, eliminating the tax on pizza and wings and getting funding for the factory that manufactures Frank’s Hot Sauce would constitute the party’s agenda. And it would be a party.

 

 

 

 

 

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