City Hall Jokes

Paul Dyster walks into a bar with a dozen friends. He turns around, sees no one, and exclaims, “Where’d you all go? You were here in 2011!”

Life imitates art at city hall!
“Badges! We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!”
The Bandit in the classic film, “Treasure of the Sierra Madre”
“Bids! We don’t need no stinkin’ public bids!”
Seth Piccirillo in conversation with the Tony Hawk Foundation

Question: How many campaign workers does it take to change a light bulb at Dyster re-election headquarters?

Answer: Three. One to study the need, one to find a friendly sole-source provider, and one to drive to Buffalo to retrieve the light bulb.

Political dictionary

Hypocrisy - Saying one thing and doing another. Example: Councilman Touma campaigning against the $9,700 health insurance opt-out and then taking the $9,700 health insurance opt-out as soon as he was eligible for the costly perk.

The mayor keeps “evolving” on the frozen water pipes. Dyster denied the problem before he admitted it existed. He hid the engineer’s report before he said it was real. He pooh-poohed the report before he admitted it was accurate. He then worked for a solution to the problem that supposedly never existed based upon an engineer’s report that was allegedly full of nonsense before he finally undertook a “solution” to a situation that he originally claimed was a figment of the imagination of the 72nd Street residents from the outset.

Quiz: part one

When you hear the phrase “It stinks to high hell” you think of:
a) The waste water treatment plant
b) City hall politics
c) The way Dyster treats the 72nd Street residents
d) All of the above

Isn’t it ironic? While Paul Dyster has done nothing to make the frozen lives of the 72nd Street residents comfortable he happily spent $150,000 of taxpayer funds to keep penguins in frozen comfort at the Aquarium.

How are the winter lives of the 72nd Street residents similar to the lives of New Orleans residents after Hurricane Katrina? They both required large quantities of bottled water to survive.

Question: What film title captures the essence of both Paul Dyster’s political career and the lives of the residents on 72nd Street?

Answer: The 2011 comedy, “Thin Ice,” starring Greg Kinnear.

Quiz: part two

How did the water pipes in LaSalle freeze?
a) The ice fairies did it
b) The pipes weren’t buried below the frost line
c) Global warming and solar storms
d) Martians came in the middle of the night, abducted the city engineering staff, and rewrote the road design plans