City Hall Jokes

Dyster gifting the school district with $100,000 of taxpayer money proves one thing. The mayor is much better at freezing homeowner water pipes than freezing his own budget.

Some people refer to it as the “sweaty palm syndrome.” It’s when city department heads and political appointees start thinking about stepping away from a wounded mayor in order to slide over to who they hope will be the next mayor. We prefer to call it the “rats jumping ship syndrome.” Whatever you call it we understand it’s alive and well at city hall.

While it’s true that people passing the mayor’s nominating petitions are routinely being met with resistance, there’s no truth (at least we don’t think so) to the rumor that Kristen Grandinetti was seen circulating Dyster’s petition while wearing a fake beard (well, we think it was fake).

After the Reporter broke the story about Charles Walker failing to pay his taxes it’s now fair to say that there’s three inescapable truths in life: death, taxes and Charles Walker’s inability to pay taxes.

Paul Dyster’s SWEET team car was spotted on Cayuga Island on June 19, looking for trash code violators on the neat, spotless, high-tax paying island. The joke is that the only thing violating the city code in the Cayuga Island neighborhood on June 19 was Jayne Park where the grass was 15 inches tall.

Dyster’s City Democratic Committee is having serious trouble gathering enough petition signatures for His Honor. It’s strange how frozen water lines, $89 million in wasted casino revenue, a mysterious $7.6 million deficit, a $50 million courthouse, department head salaries in excess of $100,000, millions of dollars for consultants and endless potholes can damage a politician’s reputation.

Type casting! Because Mayor Dyster tried and failed to end the music festival promotion career of Rick Crogan, we understand that the mayor is now being considered for the role of the Devil in Don McLeans’s legendary rock anthem, “American Pie.” Remember, Mr. Mayor, “Fire is the Devil’s only friend.” 

Hold onto your hats. We are told that Donna Owens is hard at work developing Mayor Dyster’s parking plan. Considering how she did with the trash plan there’s a good chance we’ll end up with oversized green parking spaces covered in black trash bags.

 Mayor Dyster gave us a canoe launch, a cricket field, a $50 million courthouse, a $13 million ice pavilion renovation and a $44 million train station. It almost makes you forget that he also gave us a $65 million debt, a $7.6 million deficit, a zero balance in the $89 million casino account and a tax increase!

Six weeks ago the Reporter joked about how the 2016 budget drama was going to soon unfold. Dyster recently announced the unexpected $7.6 million deficit and then the council and mayor declared a surprise spending freeze. Next, we’ll see the third act as the controller announces the “drastic state of city finances.” The Reporter is going to award an Oscar for “Best city hall performance in the creation of a fiscal crisis” after the 2016 budget closes in November.