Paul Dyster, Maria Brown and Andrew Touma walk into a bar. Dyster turns to Brown and Touma, and says, "We'll have drinks and dinner on the taxpayers and then let the city finance panel figure out how to pay the bill!"
Just two days after issuing a "spending freeze" Mayor Dyster called for the city to give the school district $100,000 of taxpayer money to fund a school district summer camp program. Dyster has proven to be much better at freezing residents' water lines than freezing his own spending.
"I wonder if anyone noticed how I refused to comment on the murder and dismemberment of a local woman last week but I gave my Facebook followers a blow by blow description of the two NORAMPAC fires for hours at a time?"
(A cynical campaign thought bubble above Paul Dyster's head)
Overheard in Paul Dyster's office:
Nick Melson- "Hey Mr. Mayor Man, you better be ready to do the nasty when it comes to straight up destroy'n your challengers 'cause this boy never came here from the state cap to fall on his face and bust your election! Yo! Yo! Yo! Mayor Man!"
Paul Dyster: "Nick, you're one fun guy AND a wordsmith! Love 'ya bro!"
City hall survey, first question
Circle the one that makes the least sense:
1) selling ice in Alaska
2) selling real estate in the Sahara
3) selling a "parking plan" in Niagara Falls
4) all of the above
City hall survey, second question
Circle the one you prefer:
1) a canoe launch
2) a tax increase
3) running water year round
Spending freeze - the stoppage of city spending after all the money is gone. While Paul Dyster calls it a "spending freeze" the rest of the world calls it "going broke."
Mayor Dyster was upset when he was accused of whitewashing city crime statistics following the horrific murder of a female resident. His Honor said, "I'm not dodging the facts. I'm merely surreptitiously and strategically portraying the actual gravity of the situation in a way that effectively denies and obfuscates reality so that I stand a greater chance of being reelected. I hope I've made myself perfectly clear."
All you cricket fans can breathe a sigh of relief in the face of the Paul Dyster Spending Freeze. The construction of the Mayor's cricket field is going forward as scheduled because the mayor approved the cricket project right before he issued his spending freeze. Now, wasn't that convenient?
Critical thinking corner: the casino revenue interest account is larger than $1 million and no one knows what happened to the money. Why hasn't the casino revenue interest account been posted online by the mayor and his controller?