Sources tell us that Niagara Falls Mayor Paul Dyster has been shopping for a large bus.
He needs something he can fit his department heads under.
How are Dyster’s top department heads like the snail darter? Both are endangered species.
In fact a department head that prefers to remain anonymous tells us that “working for Dyster is like working for Mussolini minus the laughs.”
No, but really, his Honor is quite upset over the deficit. He was heard saying “How am I supposed to routinely run my projects over budget and hire useless consultants when there’s no money?”
Indeed, after seven years in office, Dyster has proven one thing: a drunken sailor and a drunken mayor spend money at approximately the same rate.
Which raises the question: What’s the difference between a drunken sailor and the mayor?
One of them stumbles around town, throwing around huge amounts of cash and jumping up on stage to drink with bands.
The other one is a sailor.
Which reminds us of another joke: A puppet, a dunce, and a politician walk in to a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll ya have Mayor?”
Governor Cuomo and his running mate stopped into the Como last week for lunch. Rumor has it that Dyster hurried right over. He didn’t want to eat - he just wanted to make sure the city picked up the tab.
Yes, but it is not easy being a mayor. Dyster is still smarting from Governor Cuomo’s stinging criticism last week. He told a close friend “I haven’t felt like such a failure since my wedding night.”
One of Cuomo’s aides overheard an angry governor say to Dyster, “Who do you think you are an international nuclear arms negotiator?”
That reminds us of the Seneca Casino settlement. Although city administrators had no input, received no increase in revenue share, and merely got past-due cash – without interest – the mayor announced:
“I used many of the same hard line negotiating techniques that I used with the Soviets.”
The concession; Dyster and his staff were promised 20% off at the casino buffet.
But really, we don’t want to overstate the level of the mayor’s paranoia, but we hear he’s now referring to his city hall office as “the bunker.”
The mayor has become so paranoid that he’s had his office mirror removed. He said, “I don’t trust that guy staring back at me.”