Animal cruelty arrest
City police arrested a moron named Gary Albert Morrissette, 32, at his 2233 Michigan Ave. home last week after neighbors complained about the dead dog he had on his front porch.
Officers arriving at the residence noticed the dog, dead and lying in a blue plastic tub with no lid on it.
Morissette told cops that the dog had been hit by a car a couple of days earlier and he didn't have money to take it to the vet so he just left it out on the porch to die.
Noting that the animal was permitted to suffer for approximately two days without medical treatment, officers slapped the cuffs on Morissette and jailed him on an animal cruelty charge.
Woman doubles trouble
Andrea Jordan, 46, of 1340 Whitney Ave., needed a couple of phone chargers last week, so she walked down to the Rite Aid on Pine Avenue to steal some. She was apprehended by a store employee after passing all points of purchase and walking outside with the stolen merchandise.
The employee then called police, as per standard operating procedure. The cop who responded knew Jordan but, again, rules are rules and so he asked her for her name.
"Melba Hicks," Jordan replied.
The officer, who knew Jordan from a previous arrest was startled. He asked for some identification and she said she didn't have any. So he asked her for her name again.
"Melba Hicks," she said again.
After another couple of tries the cop grew weary of the cat and mouse. Even while being booked she insisted her name was not Andrea Jordan but Melba Hicks, although by this time she was willing to admit that Andrea Jordan was her cousin.
The arresting officer advised Jordan that giving false information to a police officer is a separate crime in itself. In fact, he said, it is a crime more serious than the petty larceny charge on which she was being booked.
He asked her again if her name was Andrea Jordan and she finally broke down.
"Yes," she said. "I thought I had a warrant."
In addition to the shoplifting charge she was booked on a false impersonation beef. Nobody likes a liar.
Beating the odds
An as yet unknown gambler at the Seneca Niagara Casino came up with a nifty way to get out of losing too much money at the Seneca Niagara Casino last week, he or she used fake money instead!
Casino employee Michael Wagner called city police when he came across the bogus bill in a routine counting room inventory. He had no idea who passed it, and the person will probably never get caught.
Police took the funny money and gave Parker a receipt.
Seeing as how the Seneca Niagara take amounts to about $1 million a day, the $100 loss probably won't hurt them too much.
No giant here
One day last week, a fellow was riding his bicycle to the Dollar General store on Niagara Falls Boulevard to pick up some needed items. He was accosted by a child, who he said wanted to fight him.
The bicyclist knew better than to get into a fight with a child, but then the youth punched him in the face and knocked him to the ground.
He was then set upon by one Giante Polk, 16, of 744 92nd St. here, who began kicking and pummeling him. A crowd gathered and there were many witnesses.
Kicks and punches continued until the victim was bloody and bruised and had to be taken to Mount St. Mary's Hospital for treatment.
Giante was arrested and charged as an adult with assault in the third degree. At 5 feet 10 inches tall and weighing 130 pounds, Polk is not a giant in the physical sense in any way. And his actions that day showed his IQ definitely doesn't match his weight.
Crazy casino story
Some days you win, some days you lose. The casino takes in a bogus C-note on Wednesday, and on Thursday has the winner of a big jackpot arrested.
According to police, a man won the jackpot, and casino employees asked for identification needed for tax purposes and the man said he didn't have any.
One thing led to another and it turned out the guy was Vincent Davolio, 52, of Lewiston, who had been permanently barred from even entering the casino back in 2013.
Davolio was detained by casino security, who called city police. The cops, in turn, arrested him on a trespassing charge, and the casino got out of paying off on the jackpot.
On the way to jail, Davolio advised officers that he suffered from low blood sugar so they stopped off at Frankie's and got him a donut and some orange juice.
Tourist robbed here
If Mayor Paul Dyster and members of the City Council really gave a damn about tourism, which is supposed to be the top industry here, they would put signs up all over the downtown tourist district advising visitors not to leave anything valuable in their cars.
Week after week, we here at TWISC read police report after report about pilgrims coming for their obligatory ride on the Maid of the Mist, only to discover when they get back to their cars that someone has smashed a window and made off with computer equipment, valuable jewelry, cash, sporting goods, expensive luggage and other high end items, usually left in plain sight on the car seats.
There are so many such reports that we don't even type most of them up, since we like to focus on the many different kinds of stupid crime that take place here.
So anyway, at around 12:30 one afternoon last week, a woman from Tennessee reported that her purse, which contained $2,000 cash, her debit cards and driver's license, her birth certificate, assorted jewelry and an iPad were all taken by someone who smashed the passenger's side window to gain access to the locked vehicle.
The woman went back to Tennessee, with a tale to tell about the great time she had in the Cataract City.