When Niagara Falls Mayor Paul Dyster was told that the Reporter cartoons are fully protected as free speech he replied, "Free speech in city hall is like spending the casino cash, I'll be the judge as to what is or isn't allowable!"
Yosemite Sam and Daffy Duck are considering legal action against city controller Maria Brown and councilwoman Kristen Grandinetti for allegedly "defaming the cartoon industry and all cartoon performers."
Hollywood is calling! We hear that film producers are looking at creating a cartoon sitcom to be set in city hall…casting Elmer Fudd as Mayor Dyster, the Tasmanian Devil as Maria Brown and Porky Pig's girlfriend, Petunia as Kristen Grandinetti.
Tweety Pie, President of the Professional Cartoon Actors Guild, issued a statement condemning controller Maria Brown and councilwoman Kristen Grandinetti saying, "the performances by the ladies have been neither professional nor funny, two things that every cartoon performance must have."
Homer Simpson, legendary star of the longest running television comedy in history, weighed in on the city hall cartoon controversy saying, "the Dyster administration has spent $50 million on a courthouse, $45 million on a train station, $5 million on consultants, and awarded scores of contracts to campaign supporters and the only outrage expressed by the local media during Dyster's tenure has been over a political cartoon. That's not amusing, it's deeply troubling."
"I knew Betty Boop, I worked with Betty Boop, and believe me Kristen Grandinetti is no Betty Boop" Popeye.
"Chewing the scenery is one thing but swallowing it is something else all together." Blanche DuBuois on the set of A Streetcar Named Desire commenting on the performances of Maria Brown and Kristen Grandinetti.
Yabba dabba doo! Mayor Paul Dyster is hoping that his life will make it to the big screen. "The only actor who can do my life justice is Fred Flintstone," said the mayor. The mayor's comments have caused immediate speculation that the role of Tom DeSantis in the Dyster biopic will be played by Barney Rubble.
Fresh hire at city hall! Paul Dyster named a new city engineer last week: George Jetson. Dyster said of the personnel move, "Mr. Jetson is a futurist who brings a great deal to the table with a resume filled with transformational projects. I especially like the flying automobiles and his robotic maid, Rosie. I find her to be strangely erotic."
City hall is taking on stereotypical cartoon characteristics. Insiders say that thought balloons are now appearing above Mayor Dyster's head, and a comical whirlwind of dust trailed behind Donna Owens recently as she raced out of her office. There's no word yet if any department heads have been smashed flat by a steamroller and slid beneath the mayor's door.
"The Dyster administration stinks!" Pepe Le Pew.
That's all folks...
(The above is parody. These are not the real comments of those pictured and mentioned in this article.)