Police Blotter: Hudson Views Crime Here!

Even his name was a cliché.

Griffith Cliché Shavon, FBI number 539413CC8, got arrested again last week on a charge of criminal mischief, as opposed to mischief of the other kind.

If you happened to see the Mickey Rourke / Robert DiNiro epic, “Angel Heart,” you’d know why Griffith earned his place in this week’s blotter and, if you haven’t, go on down to your local video store and rent it.

And, while you’re there, you might just as well check out a copy of Michael Radford’s “White Mischief” as well, since, if you haven’t seen “Angel Heart” you haven’t seen that either.

***

A ménage a trois gone wrong drew the attention of Niagara Falls Police Officer Tom Weed Jr. last week as he responded to an assault with a deadly weapon complaint in the 2500 block of Pine Avenue.

That used to be a decent neighborhood, but then they started renting to people like James Arthur Mylar and everything went to hell in a hand basket.

“I didn’t do anything man,” Mylar told Officer Weed. “They came here to party with me. They wanted a threesome.”

Mylar had a knife wound in the center of his chest, had been chasing a guy and a gal around a Pine Avenue parking lot with a key ring knife and had attracted the attention of neighbors. So Weed arrested him.

“He began screaming,” Weed wrote, eloquently.

WTF, he thought.

Mylar was taken to Niagara Falls Memorial Medical Center on a tie down gurney for both medical and psychological treatment. Just another day at the office for Officer Weed.

***

Caree Hale got busted for shoplifting last week at Walmart — like there was anything you’d want to steal out of there.

She passed “all points” of possible purchase for whatever it was she was robbing. And at five foot four, and a hundred seventy she wasn’t too much of a mark.

***

It’s a b*tch to have to call the cops when they steal your phone. You have to go home and use a landline, if you’ve even got a landline.

Fortunately for one unnamed Niagara Falls victim last week, he did… have a landline, that is.

He was walking down Main Street shortly before three in the morning when he was approached by a couple of guys who said he owed them money.  Pay up, they said, or they would “break his eye socket.”

That would hurt. He complied. They all went to a bank machine and he withdrew $240, he said. He gave them his cell phone and some other stuff. He called the police when he got home.

He told the cops he might actually have owed the guys money because they let him stay in their dad’s van for a while. In the meantime, he said he was a little bit confused and couldn’t remember what bank machine the guys had taken him to.

Maybe if he took a drive, he said, he’d remember.

The cops told him to call them if he remembered anything.

****

You break into a place called Falls Auto Spring and what do you steal?

Auto springs, right?

Yeah. Auto springs.

There was a rack of used leaf springs located in a fenced yard at the rear of Falls Auto Spring, 6001 Niagara Falls Blvd. until a few days ago when the owner of the place found them missing and called the cops.

“Them damn leaf springs are pretty heavy,” he told the officers. “I don’t know how anyone could lift them over the fence.”

The cops nosed around and found the leaf springs hadn’t been lifted at all, but dragged to the southwest corner of the yard where there was a gap at the bottom of the fence. Elementary, my dear Watson.

The owner said this was the third time he got robbed like that in the last six months. This most recent outrage cost him about $500, he added.

In all likelihood, the leaf springs are being sold for scrap. The three burglaries netted the thieves around 2,400 pounds of steel, the owner estimated.

***

If you’re going to steal somebody’s license plate, don’t damage the car, OK? Because it just makes them angrier.

The only reason a normal person would steal a license plate is because they were about to go commit a crime that involved a vehicle and didn’t want some citizen writing down a number that could be traced back to them.

But of course we’re talking about Niagara Falls, where “normal person” rules apply only sporadically and so the license plate that was stolen on Packard Court recently could have been taken for any damn crazy reason, or no reason at all.

In any event, somebody stole a license plate valued at $50 from some guy’s car and, in the process, did around $200 damage to the front bumper of the car.

What kind of person would do that? All you have to do is take a screwdriver and twist to your left. It causes no damage whatsoever.

Anyway, be on the lookout.

***

City police are waiting patiently for the video surveillance camera footage that will show them exactly which Niagara Falls moron smashed four door windows at the Niagara Street School last week.

Exactly why the door windows were smashed remains a mystery, as the building was not entered and nothing was taken. The four doors hosting the smashed windows were located on the east and west sides of the building, meaning that whoever did the dastardly deed walked around quite a bit.

The damage was discovered by a school maintenance worker, who called the cops. Sometimes you’ve got to go a little bit beyond your job description.

Police said there are no suspects at this time, which actually means that everyone is a suspect. If you know anything about this, please give city police a call at 286-4711 and get the rest of us off the hook.