Niagara ReporterA recently-released research study by the University of Buffalo Medical School has reported that 80% of local government officials, such as the mayor, department heads and city council of Niagara Falls, are physically incapable of the simple act of licking their elbows.
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An MSNBC correspondent was interviewing a representative of the NRA and asked him what the organization believes important to teach young people.
“Shooting, of course” was the reply.
“Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?” the female TV reporter asked, to which the NRA spokesman answered, “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range…”
“But aren’t you equipping them to become violent killers?” persisted the shrill woman.
“Well, Ma’am,” came the reply, “You’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?”
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A Niagara Falls City Councilman received the following text message one afternoon:
“I have an apology to make. For the last six months I have been riddled with guilt and I want to confess to you. There is no easy way to say this, but the truth is I have been helping myself to your wife when you were not at home.
“When you would leave for city council meetings or be out conducting city business and I saw you weren’t home, I took those opportunities to hop on and use your wife. I know there’s no excuse for my behavior, but I stopped getting it at home and I wanted it bad. I can’t live with this guilt any longer. I promise it won’t happen again.”Outraged and betrayed, the councilman hit the streets of Niagara Falls and within 5 minutes was able to procure a gun. He walked back to his house and, without a word, shot his wife multiple times.
Moments later the city councilman received another text from his neighbor which said: “I really need to start using spell check! That last text should have read ‘I have been using your ‘wifi’ – not your wife, Lol!'”
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The tribal wisdom of the Senecas, passed on from generation to generation, says that; “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”
However, in local Niagara Falls city government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
However, in local Niagara Falls city government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
- Appointing a committee to study the horse
- Lowering standards so that dead horses are not disposed of
- Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired
- Telling everyone that we’ve always ridden our horses this way
- Hiring contractors to resuscitate the dead horse
- Hiring outside consultants to put together a training program for support staff to work better with the dead horse
- Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance
- Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance
- Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed , it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the city’s budget than do some other horses
- Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position
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Before the day is over, 98% of the readers of this jokes column who work in Niagara Falls city government will try to lick their elbows to verify if they can do it.
Theater Masks
